Penny For Your Thoughts

 He told me that I have layers. He is new in my life, and I have scared men before by showing them too much at once.  With this one, I am being careful. I believe he could handle all of me at once, but isn't there something to be said for a slow love? Discovering who he is slowly, a hand on my back while dancing, holding the hug a second longer than necessary, the tension in a moment when he says he wants you around for a long time but does not say why, conversations growing every single day.  Reaching nearly a month of discovery,  and I could see it continuing for months to come.  He is kind and he is caring and he likes baseball and he has a wonderful smile and he is tall and he is protective and he is a good listener and he is a good singer and he has a goofy side and he feels comforting. There is something to be said for a slow love. -Emma Lancaster

 I have taken a break from writing because sometimes, you need to experience life in order to be able to write about life.  Recently, I have been loving every moment as it comes to me.  Loving is the key word.  When we approach life with love, it becomes a little less stressful and a little less scary.  I have tried new things and been a failure and met new friends and spent time with old friends and throughout all of this, I have loved so big.  Love big today.  -Emma Lancaster

 I’ve finally won the battle against my own mind.  Sometimes, I’m just in the mood to be sad. I want to listen to sad music and cry, just because we all need to be sad sometimes.  I just can’t raise these feelings within myself anymore.  I try and think about shortcomings that I’ve had lately, and they don’t affect me.  I’m at peace with myself and my mind. I finally understand that I put my everything into everything that I do and  That Is Enough.  I am enough and I deserve the happiness that I feel.  Oh, what a beautiful thing it is To enjoy your life As you Have built it.  -Emma Lancaster

 Oh, so many emotions. Today I swallowed them all for the sake of being empathetic.  Here, in my space, I will let them be. I am so anxious. Nothing will tear apart your insides like the anxiety of waiting on one of the biggest "Yes or No" questions of your life. It's changing how much I sleep, making me feel physically sick, shortening my breath, and taking over my mind. I am scared of being a failure. I am scared that I put months of work into words that were written to be judged by someone that I've never even met. I am scared that my words hold no worth. I am hopeful that my words have worth and touch the heart of someone else so much that they would like to meet me. I want to leave a positive impact on others when I write. This is why I tell stories when talking about my personal qualities. Stories mean more to humans than gloating about accomplishments. I am sad for a friend that had a particularly difficult day. I wish that I could take away even an ounce of th...

 Sometimes  It is okay To be on the outside Looking in At the simplicity And yet Beautiful mess That humans Are.  -Emma Lancaster

 You really are just someone that I used to know.  Thank you for showing me how to love again after many long months of not knowing how.  Thank you for showing me what it is to be happy with another person.  Although we didn’t quite work out, you are the reason I can love today.  I’ll always hold close the memories and nights that I spent on you, because sometimes a month of love will change your life.  Thank you for being someone that I used to love.  We know what it was.  That is enough.  -Emma Lancaster 

 Day twenty-five: I want you to take a moment and think about this question: Have you ever regretted telling someone that you love them? Maybe you have, but I don't think you should. The world has never been worse off because of people saying that they love each other. The reaction that you get in response may not be ideal, but that does not change the fact that you spoke love into the world and love is GOOD. Tell people in your life that you love them without hesitation and without regret because love is good. It's beautiful and whole. Allow space for it. Tell them even though you may be scared. Tell them of the love that you hold. -Emma Lancaster

 Day twenty-three: I don't quite know what to say other than I have found peace with where I am. I haven't found this peace in a long time. I'm content with being alone with my own thoughts, I've been making and listening to music, I've been reading books. I feel that sometimes, other people's words say more than my own ever could. Sometimes, we must listen instead. I like this peace. I hope it stays. -Emma Lancaster

 Day thirteen: I am taking everything that has broken me and I am turning it into music. If you have ever broken my heart, I probably wrote a song about you. I am writing about love and loss and growing and memories and what could have been and it is beautiful. I feel like I'm discovering my voice. I'm finding who I am by taking all the feelings and thoughts that have been living inside of me for so long and turning them into melodies. I'm making room for new experiences in my heart and I'm allowing myself the space to fall in love again. This is the healing that I've been working for and writing about.  I'm finding myself piece by piece and inside of an acoustic guitar.  It's going to be a beautiful little collection of my heart. Good things are coming. "When words fail, music speaks." -Emma Lancaster

 I'm still kind of holding out for him, mom. "I understand." There's just something about him. "It's okay to hold on." Okay. "But someday someone might come along and make you change your mind." I know. "You sure seem set on this guy." I'm keeping an open mind, I promise. "Good. If he's the one, he will come back. If not, you'll find him." Thanks, mom. I love you. "I love you too." -Emma Lancaster