Posts

Showing posts from January, 2022

New Week

 It's a new week babe. Take it by storm. Nobody is stopping you except for you.  You know yourself and your limits, so do what you can with what you have. I'll be proud of you no matter what. I'm your biggest fan, your wildest cheerleader. Even if you don't know me, I'm in your corner because everyone needs someone to get behind them.  You have me. That will push you through. Go get em. I'm here. -Emma Lancaster

Procrastinate

 I was told by someone else that my biggest pet peeve is procrastination. Yes. It is. Why would you put it off? It doesn't benefit you to leave things hanging over your head. I feel hella guilty when I put things off for too long, it just makes me bonkers. Why would you do tomorrow what you could do today? Seize the day, make your own way.  Go off. Proud of you.  -Emma Lancaster

Color

 Welcome to my color-coded freak-out brain. Everything is a certain color for a certain reason. The list is here to help my thought process. I can cross things off. Get it out of the head and onto the paper. Color indicates how far to the yes or how close to the no. I can visualize it like this. Step by step. Rainbow order. Thank God for those markers.  -Emma Lancaster

Writing from the Past (Part 4)

3/6/19  Hi. I'm not even sure where to start. I miss you. There's always that. Let's start strong, I guess. I've grown. I'm stronger. I'm doing okay. It took a long time to get here. My school year is almost done.I've made new friends and I've lost old ones. I was in the play. I'm helping with the musical. Speech class is my favorite. I went to homecoming, football games, basketball games, and clubs. I ran varsity cross country. I'm on the track team. So many things, and I'm writing them down so you don't feel like you've missed everything. I halfway fell in love with my best friend. He told me no. I have a new crush, and my heart is slowly healing. It's a good life. If we don't have a someday, I'm glad we had a summer. I've forgiven myself. I've explained. I could never have enough time or words. -Emma Lancaster

Writing from the Past (Part 3)

 11/4/18 It's been a while. As in, it's been months. I cried a lot the first few days of this, because really, you can't pull me away from the person who knows me better than anyone in the entire world and expect me to be fine. I question, was I in love with you? Lock me up. Some days, I think I still am. I've also been thinking about soulmates lately. They say you know instantly when you've met yours.  -Emma Lancaster

Writing from the Past (Part 2)

 8/13/18     Except things aren't different, and nothing is ok. I feel so alone, because it's not ok and it won't be ok. I'm alone. I wish things were different. I hate how this is. I hate that this is how it has to be. I'm so alone, and I'm scared. I'm so scared. It's a constant pang of fear. I'm paralyzed by all of the what-ifs and thoughts. I am scared. I am alone. I need you. I'm not allowed to need you. -Emma Lancaster

Writing from the Past (Part 1)

 8/12/18 There's so much to write about. I could write to you forever, there's just so much to tell. I've told you before that I love writing, but I've never told you what I write, or what I write about, or who I write to. I write stories. I write letters that never get sent. I write about love, pain, my life, my family, my friends, anything and everything. I write to friends. I write to myself in a sense, because nobody sees my stories but me. There are so many words, so many ideas, so many thoughts that appear with paper and pen. They flow out of me like a rushing wind, because in writing you have as much time and as much freedom as you want to share, tell, and explain everything that needs an explanation. Someday. That's our word. We know it better than anyone else. As unfair as it is, it's all ours. Every time I hear it, I think of you. Seven letters change and add to the meaning of almost anything, but there's only one definition that means everything.

Just Breathe

 I'm upset. There. I said it. There are way too many things happening at once and I can't take it anymore so I'm writing because that is what I do when too many things are happening at once.  I need alone time. I'm about as extroverted as they come, but I can't take everything.  I really like the song "Breathe" from In The Heights. It helps.  I relate to Nina. She has good things to say.  Just breathe, right? -Emma Lancaster

Markers

 I got some new markers today. I wish I had more use for them. I don't use markers very often. They were a gift, though. So I have them. I don't usually buy myself new things like markers. I buy myself useful things, like clothes. I just never think to actually buy things I like.  One time I was almost talked into buying a stuffed animal, just because I got really attached to it at the store and had already named it. I didn't end up buying Clementine the sloth, even though she was very soft and I liked her a lot.  I don't know. The markers are very nice. I like them a lot.  I just wouldn't get them for myself.  I appreciate other people who think of things like markers. Go getcha some markers.  -Emma Lancaster

Slip

 Don't walk there, you will slip.  What am I talking about? A lot of things, really. Life has a lot of slippery slopes. It's up to you to find traction. Good luck little bird. Finding traction is better than not walking there at all.  Keep walking. -Emma Lancaster

Understand

 When we are upset, we have a tendency to tell others, "You do not understand." And you're right, they don't understand. They have never been you before. They have never felt love the exact same way that you do, whether that be relational or familial. The experience may be similar, but they are not in your mind interacting with the same people.  When we try to understand the hurt of others, we are not trying to put ourselves in their situation. We are not simply discarding their experience by saying "I know what you mean," or, "I've been there before." When we try to understand the hurt of others, we are trying to understand their pain, where the pain comes from, and why.  I understand that you are hurting, and I am sorry.  Keep trying.  Don't give up. -Emma Lancaster

Heavy

Holidays are heavy. Heavy doesn't necessarily mean bad, it just means heavy.  There's a lot that makes the holidays heavy.  Relief. Grief. Longing. Loving. Caring. Jealousy. Anxiety. Adrenaline.  There are these unspoken things hidden beneath surfaces that weigh a million pounds. We can typically ignore them, but the holidays are truly magical. Can you feel the holiday magic?  What does this magic do? It makes you think. It makes you feel. It makes you remember. It makes you speak. It makes you act. Do what you want with this.  -Emma Lancaster