Penny For Your Thoughts

 Once upon a time, There was a me and you and an us.  Somewhere in the multiverse, there still is an us.  You would meet my family and they would love you, and I would do my best to be sweet and affectionate and lovely when I meet yours.  You would scoop me off my feet over and over again.  The us that exists in the multiverse would be happy and smiling and more than this version of us ever was.  It’s hard to imagine.  -Emma Lancaster

 Coming home reminds me who I am. I am smart and capable. I am loved by many. I am not alienated or dehumanized. I am creative. I am kind. I am passionate. I belong. This is who I am. -Emma Lancaster

 I sincerely hope that the next one is the last one and the only one. I don't know how much more I can feel. My broken heart takes longer to heal every time it cracks again. -Emma Lancaster

 And boy, did that dorm room see it all. Two nervous girls on a hot August day moved away from everything they had ever known, campers coming back covered in mud from a program for new students, late-night phone calls to a boyfriend at home,  sneaking out after the other one was asleep to hang out with a boy of interest, rants about the girls next door, coming in late at night with a burst of energy because they were high on life, tears when they were heartbroken, hugs when they were homesick, friends that laughed louder than the neighbors would have liked, many rounds of uno, pages upon pages of typing,  plants, books, dance parties. Most of all, that dorm room saw the most beautiful friendship grow and watched strangers become inseparable best friends. Damnit, I miss her already. -Emma Lancaster

 Day sixty-two: If I fall in love along the way, then so be it. I will say, though, that if I am going to fall in love again, this one better work out. I'm sick of being a stepping stone, a tool for someone else's healing, an object that glows as long as needed. I will be alone until I do not have to be alone. I will be alone until I am protected fully when I am with another. If it works, that is great. If it does not, that is great. I have better things to do than fall in love. -Emma Lancaster

 "No one ever talks about the person who ended it We hurt too" I know, my love. I know. -Emma Lancaster

 And he said to me: If I had met you at any other time, you would have been exactly what I was looking for.  It’s not you, at all.  It’s just that I’m not okay and I’m not ready yet.  I promise, it’s not you.  I wish I wasn’t like this, Because you are exactly what I would be looking for if I was looking for someone.  “But it would’ve been sweet if it could’ve been me,” said Taylor Swift.  -Emma Lancaster 

There's a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I am loved; this I know. This is my application to anyone who will listen: I would like to be in love. I have a big heart, a joyful soul, a goofy side,  a being full of hope and joy, a willingness to choose you always, a family that will love you like their own, a future that longs for a partner, and above all, I would love you like you've never been loved before. If anyone should know anything about me, it's that I fall hard, but I love harder. -Emma Lancaster

 And so, she sits on the bathroom floor, wrapped in a towel, tears falling like she fell for him, and she wonders: why won't one go right? -Emma Lancaster